Annie's World

In response to:Things i wish i could tell my soon to be ex husband...

2009-01-10T14:47:31+01:00

OMG.... I think you should tell him! Loved the comments - Sorry you went through with it (Wedding). It sounds like you’re much better off now. Phew!

Have a cracking new year.

NB: I'm off to walk to the kitchen and get 'myself' a beer. I must change those sheets by the way!

:¬)

In response to:Things i wish i could tell my soon to be ex husband...

2008-12-24T18:04:16+01:00

Hope you are out of it soon!

In response to:Its not getting better

2008-07-20T14:23:37+02:00

Can you turn your sadness into anger and your anger into a drive to overcome this? I mean it's your life to do whatever you want in so why should someone else be able to dictate this? I can't say my circumstances have been exactly the same as yours but I have learned very much that I can channel my sadness into anger and blame. And then from the anger I get some sort of drive to push my life to new different levels. It's irrelevant what goes on in their lives because it's not yours.

Then again I do know it's much easier to write this sort of thing than it is to do it!

In response to:I cant believe i have to give up smoking

2008-06-01T15:52:51+02:00

Haha. You should pick a date and give it another shot, horribly difficult as it is. I managed to give them up as a new year's resolution. Although, I signed myself up for a Thaiboxing fight around that time so I had the added incentive of being in serious danger of being savagely beaten if I didn't get myself in shape!

In response to:I cant believe i have to give up smoking

2008-06-01T12:18:17+02:00

NO.... I am a weak willed person and still smoking, I lasted five days though. So its a start!!!!

In response to:I cant believe i have to give up smoking

2008-06-01T07:23:46+02:00

hey, so what happened? Are you still off them??

In response to:my boyfriend the Knob.

2008-06-01T01:10:03+02:00

Hi there, thanks for the comment, but i wrote that a year ago. the follow up news from that is that i did marry him, but after 5 weeks he left me for another woman! I guess i should have walked away when i first thought that. I know that i am so so so much better of now.

In response to:my boyfriend the Knob.

2008-05-31T22:45:27+02:00

You need to seriously consider if you are going to marry this man.....this is your life....... and do you really want to spend it feeling shit about yourself??? and most importantly do you deserve that???? Noooooooo!!!

In response to:Sleep

2007-12-18T13:29:58+01:00

Firstly Why are people with aids worse off than people with cancer?
You say you hate this version of yourself, if that's the case then change the way you approach life, the way you interact with people and change your goals. Why don't you read ' how to win friends and influence people' by Dale Carnegie or some books on NLP, i'm sure you'd find it useful. Or you can sit down and hope that somebody comes and changes you with their magic wand, sure, friends can help, but you have to change your ways yourself and maybe Annie's world will be a wonderful place :) We are just creatures on this planet, like any other creature, people think we are some special being, but we aren't, that's great though, just be happy living and being able to survive, possessions aren't important
Hope things get better soon as I know they can :)

In response to:doctors

2007-10-12T23:46:31+02:00

Haven't seen you here for a long time. Hope it really does turn around for you soon - you're young and have your whole life ahead of you. Pull away from the restriction of your past and look for what is bright in the future!

I'd love to be just 27 again - get 3 more years back ;)

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2007-08-30T09:21:26+02:00

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2007-08-14T06:01:35+02:00

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In response to:title-2591143

2007-07-25T06:11:46+02:00

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In response to:my husband is a idiot

2007-07-11T20:23:26+02:00

Yes yes - sounds like a very good plan!! Ya know what, fuck it - screw him over, all he seems to care about is money and not your feelings!!

Screw as much money out of him as you can - remember half that house is yours at the very least!

In response to:my husband is a idiot

2007-07-11T19:21:57+02:00

Hey! I'm 27 and my husband's a w*nker but I am still with him. Just.

You need to go and fun and not worry about finding a "nice" man (is there any?) just yet!

You go, girl!

In response to:title-2591143

2007-07-07T16:49:30+02:00

p.s. it was rather difficult replacing all the "hers" with "him" lol.

I just basically told you what I had to do to get over my ex when she dumped me for an Australian lad!

In response to:title-2591143

2007-07-07T16:47:42+02:00

That's a question that would take so long to answer - something which you wont find on blog. But, I can offer you some hope! I take it you haven't had babies??

I think the best start is to tell yourself over and over that you aren't married to him (even though you actually are). Take the power away from him, and even if he realised the error of his ways, learn to hate him so much that you don't ever need him back.

Start to go out - get angry when you think of cute situations you had with him, but obviously don't go glassing another pretty girl who is prancing around annoyingly in the bar - whom you imagine is probably like the one that he is with. (Yep these thoughts happen - and I wasn't even married to my ex!!)

Also, do something that you didn't do whilst you were with him - join a gym or something? Go to yoga classes?? I joined a gym and got myself far fitter than I ever was whilst I was with my ex. It made me feel happy. Plus I changed my style of clothing (because I had lots more money without her!).

I got new alloys for my car (just something silly to entertain me - and obviously it was cheaper than buying a new car).

Oh and I redecorated!

But the bitterness really helped me get over it. Then after a while other things start to replace them old thoughts of him. These other things are NEW things, but they take time to build. In the mean time just try and enjoy!! :) You're free ;)

In response to:NEED ADVICE

2007-06-12T17:05:13+02:00

I agree that this fellow is a toe-rag and your solution is empowering, banana. But, is there no way to rescue this relationship? I just think there must have been something that made them get married in the first place that might be able to get back.

I think this fellow is holding all the power at the moment and she meekly isn't asserting herself. That's why he's getting delusions of grandeur. He probably hasn't even thought about what it would feel like the other way round, that's why i think it would shock/upset him to hear it.

The ultimatum idea doesn't necessarily empower him. I think it might work as the slap in the face he might need to realise what he could lose. It's empowering for the person giving the ultimatum. Just lay out the facts about the love and wanting things to work but demmand that he re-affirms his commitment. If he can't then she walks. In the ultimatum, she's saying, i leave you if you can't give me what i want. She can articulate exactly what she wants from him and see if he agrees.

It's like the sleeping with people threat. He truly would be a nasty piece of work if he said, 'who would want to' to her. Also, i think the worst paranoia in a relationship is your partner fancying other people. He probably hasn't even considered that she might be having such empowering ideas. (whether she would carry it out or not.) So, again, it's shock tactics, and I really hope she wins whatever she decides to do.

In response to:NEED ADVICE

2007-06-11T15:42:38+02:00

The problem with the ultimatum idea is it gives him the power in the relationship.

It is giving him a choice as to whether she stays with him or not.

He does not deserve that privilege.

It also leaves her with the job of watching and waiting and suspecting him and tormenting herself as to whether or not she has enough 'evidence' to kick him out. A soul destroying option and one which leaves him to make the usual whinges of 'if you trusted me I wouldn't have to sleep around'.

There is also the chance he will say 'Fine - I'm leaving' in which case she will have to cope with the fact that the guy not only treated her like dirt he then dumped her into the bargain.

Plus threatening to sleep with other people only works if you are going to do it and if you have strong self esteem and would enjoy it.

Devaluing your body and sexual favours would only reduce your self esteem further.

If he is the pig I think he is - he would probably come out with something untrue but hurtful like 'who would want to sleep with you anyway?'

Don't give the git any more opportunity to have power over you Annie. People can only hurt you if you let 'em. Which is not the same as saying you 'asked for it' because you didn't - but you are wiser now and need to make good choices that lead to good results.

Head up shoulders back and take pride in the unique and valuable person you are. You deserve much better than this toe-rag.

In response to:NEED ADVICE

2007-06-11T13:31:57+02:00

I agree with banana.

You could always give him an ultimatum. Say that unless he changes his ways you will have to leave him. You could always threaten to sleep with other people and see how he likes it.

In response to:NEED ADVICE

2007-06-11T13:24:02+02:00

It sounds like getting married was a bad idea. You don't say if there are children belonging to your relationship - I just wonder as sometimes people get married after being together for a long time.

Were you together for a long time before you actually tied the knot?

I have been in a similar situation and know how humiliating it can feel. But you are worth far more than this. If you were told this by someone else you would know exactly what to say to them.

Just imagine you had a beautiful talented daughter you loved very much and she was telling you this tale. Would you think it made sense for her to stay with a man who had treated her this way?

You say you love this person. I wonder if you really do. You might be emotionally dependent and/or infatuated but I don't think love is a real description of how you really feel about this person.
Unlesss you knew he was likely to behave this way and decided that it was part of his personality and that you loved his free attitude to relationships and it made you feel good about yourself, the you could realistically call it love.

But honestly - you don't even know this guy do you? This has come as a shock - he is someone unpleasant you hadn't realised he was - and now you don't trust him.

Why on earth should you trust him? He has made a committment to you and within 5 weeks he has betrayed that committment.

You deserve better than him, and you will find better than him.

Before you find love in a relationship you need to take time to learn to love yourself.

Be kind to yourself. Stop telling yourself negative things.

Tell yourself it is great this happened so early on and not years down the line.

Dump the ignorant insensitive git and move on. Life is a huge adventure and he is holding you back and keeping you down.

You will be stronger happier wiser and more beautiful because of it.

This is not about forgiveness it is about the survival of your spirit.

In response to:title-2427333

2007-06-10T16:08:45+02:00

An amazing story. I wish you well with this problem and empathise davidj

In response to:back home

2007-05-24T08:03:14+02:00

hmm your man sounds like one of those traditional patronising kinds. Did his mother spoil him? Seems like it... Anyway, why should you be the one to clean the house and cook the dinner?!! Wow, he especially shouldn't be shouting at you the day before your wedding, over something like cleaning the house! I don't think you are pathetic and ungrateful at all. I think you have a right to be annoyed at his behaviour towards you. He's being very unfair. I would start 'training' him now, that you are not going to take being yelled at about stupid housewifey things!! He should put some effort into looking after dinner and housework too. You both make the house mess, you should share the housework. You have a job too right?! I would be very very angry if my man treated me like a housemaid. It's not the 50s anymore!! Women are equal to men! You should stand up for yourself.

Perhaps he treats you badly because you have a low self esteem. It sounds like you do. So even if you do have a low self esteem, pretend that you have a high self esteem. Ask nicely but firmly to be treated like an equal. You are in a marriage partnership. You didn't marry him to become a maid. If he wants one of those, he should pay for one.

Gee, he never wants to listen to you?
Perhaps choose a good time, and say, "hey, I really want to talk about some things that have been bothering me. Is this a good time?" and if he says "no". You can say, " Ok, how about in an hour then?" or something like that, to get him ready for it. And I think it's important to list everything you want to talk about, and that you are not satisfied with, and what you think you both could do to change that. And try not to talk angrily or blame him, or it will just end in a fight. But go through your list seriously and tell him that you love him, and still want to be with him, but these problems are jeopardising your relationship and your own mind.

Hope that helps a little. :o)
And I think he's treating you badly, no other way to think about it.

Good luck,
From,
Vic.

In response to:I Got Married

2007-05-06T17:45:54+02:00

Congratulations, I hope you feel the same way after another 26 years and 11 months.

In response to:i dont like to swear but i just want to scream Bollocks

2007-05-01T17:33:51+02:00

No 1. You can't change somebody. They arethe only ones that can do that.

No2. Men are like dogs. they thrive on regular mealtimes, lots of praise and a tickle!!!

:D

Good luck!

In response to:1 week to go

2007-04-26T16:23:15+02:00

do you mean to say that just from reading my blogs you believe that getting married is what i deep down want to do or that its not? Just out of interest?

In response to:1 week to go

2007-04-26T15:37:17+02:00

Hi. Just been reading through all your blogs. People always know what they really want deep down. Sometimes when people say they don't know what they want it's because they do, but they don't want to admit it to themselves. I don't know you so I can't say if that's the case with you or not. I hope it's not the case though and you have a long and happy marriage :-)

In response to:OH IT MAN

2007-03-22T13:02:21+01:00

Careful there Annie - you don't know what you've got 'til its gone...as someone once, rather perspicatiously, sang.

You don't write anything about IT guy reciprocating, so maybe it is a last minute, pre-wedding, the door is closing kind of fantasy?

I hope that you and H2B have a long, happy and fulfilling marriage. Good luck!

In response to:i am bored

2007-03-16T15:18:59+01:00

Sounds like you have a greta life and you should enjoy it while you can!

In response to:The IT Man

2007-03-12T12:20:11+01:00

Hi,

Well i just want to say you do what you think is right and whatever your heart say to do?