the doctor has changed my medication, I am having withdrawl symptoms from the old ones. I had a disciplinary meeting with my employer and am now waiting to hear if i still have a job to go back to. Things are not gett better and I dont know why.

The other day i actually googled "How to kill yourself" to find an easy way of doing it. I read somewhere that socrates kiled himself by drinking hemlock. He just added it to his drink and then the job was done. I dont know how to obtain hemlock. but i like the idea of just drinking something and then its over.

I am fed up of people, they iritate me, always asking me "how you doing"? i know that they care and that is why they ask, but they dont really want me to tell them, they want me to say. "yeah i'm ok thanks" They do not want to hear the truth. The worst part is that i can see that there are people worse off than me, but it doesnt make any difference. I guess that is what depression does to a person. it makes you so selfish that you dont care about other people. In fact other people irritate me so much with their stories (everyone has them) and their stupid advice, that i get angry with them. About the smallest things. I just really dont know what to do. And when i say that i don think that i can totaly explain what that feels like. Its as though nothing makes sense, and that I am not able to figure out anything. as though everything i do is done by someone else who is in control of my body and I am just going along for the ride. I dont care about anything at all.